Classic Dirty Jokes

Some dirty jokes to brighten up the day

Have You Been Drinking?

A man is out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday evening. Before too long, the cops pull him over.
The policeman walks up to the man and asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why? Was I weaving all over the road?"
"No," replied, the policeman, "you were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away."

Man my life sucks

A cucumber, pickle and a penis were all sitting around one day talking about how much their lives sucked.

The cucumber said, "Man my life sucks. Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, someone cuts me up and puts me in a salad."

So the pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, someone puts me in vinegar, puts spices on me, and sticks me in a jar."

The penis glared at both of them and said, " You guys think you have it rough? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, someone puts a rubber tarp over my head, sticks me in a dark room, and bangs my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out.